It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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