I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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