she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize