i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
