hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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