I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
