I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
