Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
