I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
