dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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