Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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