the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
