T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I forget how to act sober
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
