My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Duck Duck Cougar?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
