i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
