C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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