Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Slut skills are useful in every country.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
