This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
