one might say we're banned from that church
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
