She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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