Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
