this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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