exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
