There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His hands were made for my vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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