im drinking this country out of the recession.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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