I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
