Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
