i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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