im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
