This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
