Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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