Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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