Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
