based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
