Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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