SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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