Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
