I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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