So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
