Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
