I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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