why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
