Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
