honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
