Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
