no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
