Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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