so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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