sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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