Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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