Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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