he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
