I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
