Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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