I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
