Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
