So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
