Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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