He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
