he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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