ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
