did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize