So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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