last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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