You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
