i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
