White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
