This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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