since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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