why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
