He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
