You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
