he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
