he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
