They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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